Common Sense Hippiedom v. New Age Narcissism

Wow... I have REALLY been a.w.o.l. from this blog.

It's "funny" how much time and energy the end of the term, end of the school year, end of my teaching contract and end of my roommate's lease have taken up.

I'm "a little" stressed at the moment. I suppose unemployment, combined with health issues, and the loss of my supplementary income (roommate) are making me a little crazed. That and the lovely side effects of the Lupron I am taking to help shrink my fibroid for operation number two.

That's why I am VERY glad I'd booked a trip to Santa Cruz months ago, for last week. Southwest had a crazy fare sale, and it only cost me $70 round-trip to go back to Cali for five days.

I spent a surprisingly small amount of money while there, thanks in large part to my friends' generous hospitality. But also, I realized that there was very little about Santa Cruz that I missed, and therefore little incentive to spend like a credit-crazed nut-job.

Santa Cruz is way too expensive for what you get. I mean, the Rite Aid charged $11 for a generic 5 subject notebook!

And the town is a little over-stuffed with New Age Narcissists, the majority of whom were (at one point I'm sure) well-meaning, Agape-Gaia loving hippies.

Back when they were hippies, they articulated a solid dose of common sense:

• pay attention to what you put in and on your body, who makes it and under what conditions;
  
• the Golden Rule is a universal maxim, best embraced by all;
  
• the environment matters, because without it, we're all dead.

Just good, common sense.

But then some of them went off the deep end.

In the pursuit of deeper, more "authentic" truths, some folks cultivated a special knack for gourmand navel-gazing. They borrowed lingo and practices from every non-white tradition they could find and/or "discovered" they were one of the exponentially-improbable heirs of the Druids or the Gaels; but it all seemed to serve the higher purpose of ... the Cult of Me. What do I want? What is my purpose, independent of others? What is my journey?

Don't get me wrong. These are good questions. Vital questions that we all need to examine as we live out our lives. I just take issue with the over-emphasis on the "I" to the point of selfishness. The myth of New Age Narcissism that I remembered and witnessed in Santa Cruz, is the myth of the self-made wo/man who is not beholden to silly little things like social mores, loyalty and genuine generosity of spirit.

The poster child par excellence of this is K, a guy I once dated (that's my pathetic disclosure), and who went on to date and totally head-f*ck my dear friend, M (who, ironically, I met through K - that's my happy disclosure).

I admire folks who manage their resources well, and always seem to have enough time, money and sanity to live a well-balanced life. I aspire to that myself, having fallen off of ALL of those wagons to varying degrees over the years. I used to think K was like that. But then I got to know him. K is stingy - with his time, money and emotional availability. When I met him, I didn't really care as I was rebounding and was really only interested in a good time. But the times with K really weren't all that good. Then I began to care more about his stinginess as I got to know M better, and saw the toll his crap was taking on her. Sure, she could've left him and not gone back. But Santa Cruz is one VERY small town, and in a lot of ways, K was one of the better options.

I also admire folks who know how to set boundaries, so that they don't end up over-extended. But there is a clear difference between "boundaries" and "the Great Wall of China." K is a wall-builder. Inside his wall, is a little boy trying to figure out how much money, property, and tight young ass he can amass, while outside the wall there's ... well who cares, it's outside the wall. Unfortunately, M was outside the wall.

And it all came to a head when he made a proposal-that-wasn't that actually trumped the proposal-that-wasn't I had received from a wall-builder I dated back-in-the-day.

Finding himself in a potentially sticky tax dilemma ($45k liability) with the impending sale of his house, K suggested to M that they should get married, as that would significantly lessen the tax hit. He would give her $8k "for nothing" and once the paperwork went through and a reasonable time had passed...they could get divorced. Uh...yeah. Just what his girlfriend of four years wanted to hear. As if his earlier suggestions that they have an open relationship (all the rage in Santa Cruz, you see) didn't already convey the scope of his selfishness, he then turns around and does this. WTF?!

But here's the clincher. M is the one who feels guilty. For actually expecting a commitment. For daring to think that she deserves a relationship with someone who actually thinks with his heart, instead of just his wallet or his dick. And it doesn't help that so many of the Santa Cruz N.A.N.-crowd suggest that perhaps she should just learn to embrace an open relationship and not take things so much to heart. Let him "bring the energy home," they suggest. Which is double-speak for, "let him bring his girl-toy home, and you can enjoy it/her together." Shame on M for not being inclined to share.

Eck! Eck! Eck! And yet, as annoyed as I got with the K saga, I managed to have a nice time in Santa Cruz thanks to a $15 private tub and sauna, delicious food and hanging out with M, who had a lot of other things to talk about other than N.A.N. K.

Now I get that the B.S. with K tickles some raw spots in my own emotional baggage handler. I also get that in the time it has taken me to write this, I have had two lupron-induced hot flashes and am vacillating between tears, nausea and feminazi fury. But even taking these "little issues" into consideration, I still think he is a textbook example of New Age Narcissism, and why, so often it does more harm than good.

And with that, I'm going to lie down.

Do Nothing Days

Today I am finding it remarkably easy to tread lightly on the planet, my health and my pocketbook.

I suppose that's because I haven't left my house.

Today is one of those oh-so-delightful Northwestern days that drive folks to bad country music and even worse beer.

It is cold. It is dark. It has rained ALL DAY. In JUNE.

On a day like today, why would I want to drive anywhere? Why would I want to get out of bed at all?

I find myself grazing on the easiest-to-prepare food I can find: lots of fruit, nuts and carrot sticks. Even the microwave is a bit of a bother. This morning I had a bizarre burst of energy, so I had Spiced French Toast (with Spelt bread) and fresh fruit for breakfast. But I don't know ... I think handling the cast iron skillet just wrecked me.

At any rate, I'm going back to bed. Who knew being completely and totally lazy could have such a great upside (i.e. zero greenhouse gas emissions today - well, except for those generated by the power plant that keeps this computer running; high fiber, low fat grazing; and no impulse buying)!

Why I Hate Driving in WA: The Umpteenth Take

I plan to sell my car for several reasons:

• $150-$200 a month for gas in a car that actually gets very good gas mileage
• $200+ a month for insurance and car servicing averaged over 12 months
• To pay off some of the Retail Therapy from last summer's fibroid over-reaction
• To lower my blood pressure and lessen my tendency to begin and end my day with a hefty dose of misanthropic loathing.

Yes... driving makes me cranky.

Actually ... driving in Washington makes me cranky.

I don't understand and REALLY don't like:

• Carpool fakes who cut off three lanes of traffic to make their exit;
• Drivers who treat pedestrians like moving targets, but treat roadkill like sacred cows;
• The Washington State Department of Transportation: is grading a five-mile length of highway really that hard? Does it really take TWO YEARS to still not get it right?
• Mr. Weekend Warrior Man with the truck bed full of yard and house debris who thinks that the Cover Your Load law applies to everyone BUT him;
• Folks who drive Family Armored Vehicles who then whine at the pump about the cost of gas. Well dork(-ess), no one said you had to drive a tank;
• Folks who drive Family Armored Vehicles who slow to TWENTY MILES PER HOUR ... ON THE INTERSTATE ... when there's a little bump in the road;
  
• Folks who drive Family Armored Vehicles and clearly don't know how to park them;
• Speed limit fascists who break any number of laws & cut off any number of people in order to access the fast lane, only to get there and go at or below the speed limit;
• and last, but far from least - Folks who treat the slightest bit of cloud spittle as a mandate to drive like halting, neurotic teenagers. This is the Northwest. It is going to drizzle. It is going to rain. It's going to snow. There is going to be weather. Deal with it.

So, yeah... as nervous as I am about selling my car in the next week or so, I am relieved that I will be handing off the driving responsibility to professionals. I had considered stepping up my bike commuting, but a moving target, I am not. I will likely only bike to and from bus stops and along backroads.

Of course, I am also actively lobbying/harassing Flexcar about setting up a station at the Tacoma Dome Transit Center. After all, there are some things that I simply cannot do without a car, and I don't want to burden my friends too much by asking for rides. So please, Flexcar, PLEASE come to Tacoma.

Falling off the wagon, but getting back in the saddle

I think I learned a valuable lesson today:

ALWAYS EAT A HEALTHY AND FILLING BREAKFAST.

Today I did not. I had a restless night and decided that it would be much more satisfying to sleep in (as in oversleep) and then do my best to jam to work as fast as the morning commute would let me. Breakfast was just one organic banana, some water and a multivitamin.

No wonder I found myself, a mere hour later, staring down a chocolate croissant in the cafeteria. I willed myself from there, walked upstairs and ended up staring at a chocolate croissant AND an apple fritter in the cafe upstairs.

I walked back to my office, slightly proud at my self-discipline, but mostly sullen. I engaged the department secretary in a long discussion about the (de)merits of chocolate croissants. I even defrosted some frozen mango and sprinkled raw sunflower and pumpkin seeds over them.

And yet, I still ended up with a bag of Harvest Cheddar SunChips.

I was good the rest of the workday. I was good until, ironically, I went to Marlene's - the health food store in Federal Way. I restocked my beet juice and cranberry juice concentrate with no sugar added. And then I promptly went to the frozen foods section and bought a Soy Cream "Ice Cream" cookie with chocolate chips. To "balance it out," I did buy one of the Perfect Foods Peanut Butter Honey Bars. But somehow, I think snarfing it down, while the Soy Cream cookie was still in my gullet, was probably NOT the best way to reap its benefits.

At any rate, I felt a little guilty. And a tad nauseous.

So, I returned to the gym after a 1 month garden-and-surgery hiatus.

In January, I began taking a cycle class and eventually worked up to four or five, one-hour classes a week. It was awesome! I felt great. My butt was coming into the same time-zone as the rest of my body. And I felt my stamina was steadily improving.

That was then.

Today, I barely lasted a half-hour in class before my left side sharply announced that it was not yet healed. Had I stayed the whole class, I would've crawled out. As it was... I limped.

Thank God for saunas!

Needless to say, tomorrow I will try to better control my sugar-carb cravings. I will also start taking a Goji-Acai juice with my smoothie, which I will definitely roll out of bed early enough to make.

Trying to live sustainably WITHOUT developing ecochondria

Sometimes, I really like the internet and customized searches. Without them, I never would have read a rather funny, yet totally understandable column by Joy Colangelo of The Monterey Herald.

While she did not use the nasty little five-letter word, what she talks about is guilt. Guilt for what one's choices - even the ones with good intentions - may be doing inadvertently to the planet.

She recycles some interesting factoids:

• When one factors in the product life-cycle of all the components of a Prius, one might have less of an impact on the environment if one buys a Hummer.
  
• In the pesticide battle, it might be better to use a little biological warfare rather than capitulate to those pesky invasive species that are transforming ecosystems.
• Organic t-shirts may be organic, but they also take 25 gallons of water to make.

Her tone (which I presume is a little tongue-in-cheek) is a bit frantic a la Scarlett's "Where shall I go? What shall I do?!"

BUT...

She has a point.

I guess as long as the industrial, manufacturing and agricultural domains focus on cradle-to-grave systems of production, rather than shifting towards cradle-to-cradle systems (a la McDonough and Braungart's Cradle to Cradle), we will all have to regularly choose between the lesser of evils and do what we can to make our day-to-day lives as common-sense sustainable as we can.

To that end, it just makes sense to collect roof run-off in a rain barrel and use it in the garden. OR if you're like my aunt's dear friend in Toledo who "plants" silk flower arrangements in her yard, then you can use the run-off for a water feature like a pond (treated with organic mosquitocide, of course) or a pond-less waterfall.

As for the Prius-Hummer comparison... well, unless the materials that go into a Hummer are significantly less toxic and less traveled than those of a Prius, I still say that the Prius' green cred trumps the Hummer's any day of the week.

Personally, as part of my hippiefication, I plan to sell my car in a couple of weeks: to save money; make some money; force me to get a bike and actually USE it; and yes, do my part to save the planet one bike ride, bus trip and (HOPEFULLY) Flexcar reservation at a time.

Week in Review: Week One

A New Pact

I'm an omnivore. Plain and simple. I get that the amount of grain and water used to feed cattle, piggies and chickens could be used for better purposes. But I can’t deny the carnivorous beast that pricks my spine every time I smell frying bacon, grilled steak or coq au vin.

So, rather than sabotage my transformation before it even gets really started, I decided to allow myself two meat days per month: one for poultry or pork; the other for red meats (preferably buffalo or lamb). On the other 26-29 days of the month, I will get my protein from vegetables and fish. Pescovegetarianism, here I come! Well, except for those two days a month.

It's an imperfect pact for an imperfect woman. But I have to start somewhere and I fully intend to make sure my two animal protein days only use organic and free-range animals.

It's beets, not blood

Even before committing to developing this blog, I began seriously delving into the first part of my Accidental Hippie plan: taking better care of my body, so that my body takes better care of me.

I revisited the archives of the Uterine Fibroids and Healing For Fibroids Naturally Yahoogroups, and finally began reading Dr. Warshowsky's Healing Fibroids, and began to integrate some of the things I was learning about into my diet.

Apparently beets (sometimes combined with molasses) has been used in ethnic medical treatments for fibroids, with some success. UNFORTUNATELY, having never eaten beets before, I was unpleasantly surprised to discover their effects on certain body wastes. Asparagus reeks havoc with number one; and beets bedizen number two.

What was pleasant to discover was that unsweetened cranberry juice combined with beet juice makes a rather nice drink. I now try to have it before every meal. Beet juice can be a little spendy ($6 for a 120z bottle at Marlene's). But it looks like my garden beets are doing well, so soon I'll be able to make my own juice.

The Garden

As I am still recovering from my surgery, there's not much yard work I can do, even though there is MUCH I need to do:

But I am happy to say that my organic raised beds are coming along nicely. I have found that if I take things slowly, I can still get down and savor the triumphant rush of weeding. My next garden project: getting the worm compost bin up and running. I bought one during last summer's disastrous retail therapy, and promptly neglected it. But now that my fruit and veggie intake is climbing, it makes sense to resurrect the worms (or, more accurately, buy some new ones).

Easy Omega-3s

Prior to last week, I had a habit of eating flax meal only when I had applesauce or Soy Cream's Very Cherry Chocolate Chip. This week, I discovered that I can add flax seed to mashed potatoes for a rather nice and subtle nutty flavor. I've also added flax meal to my new weekday morning routine: fruit smoothies. But perhaps the Omega-3 discovery of which I am most proud, is the Copper River Salmon sushi I made with my dissertation group buddy on Wednesday. Sure, I now understand why brown rice rarely shows up in sushi. But that just means that the next time I make it (likely this evening, I will make the rice mixture 2 parts sushi rice, 1 part brown rice).

Smoothies in the morning help the commute pass by

I used to drive to work with a mug of molasses tea and some sort of muffin in my lap. This week, I began using the blender to make smoothies: frozen berries + cranberyy/beet juice blend + prune juice + flax meal + almond milk (I use Pacific's Almond Milk because I'm lactose intolerant) = VERY good! By the time I get to work, I've finished the smoothie and simply wash out the bottle and fill it with filtered water at work

Stocking up: some pre-hippie rules STILL apply, like DON'T SHOP WHILE HUNGRY

On Thursday, after my acupuncture appointment, I made a pilgrimage first to Marlene's, then to Trader Joe's. I brought a list, which was good. But I also brought an appetite, which was not so good. The damage: Marlene's - $83.61, and five items not on my list (I bought 28 items), including a seriously yummy raw peanut butter and honey bar ; Trader Joe's - $75.65 and three items not on my list (out of 28 items), including the oh-so-good Sharon's Coconut Sorbet.

Minor relapse: Consequences of impulse-purchasing; and ye ole "Well, I've got to clean out the refrigerator" excuse, or how I ate two hot dogs as a "snack"

Friday morning began with me being a very good girl: nutritious smoothie and packing my lunch. Unfortunately, my lunch was one of the impulse buys from Thursday: Morningstar's BBQ Riblets. Sure, it's soy-based and soy in moderate amounts is very good for my overall health and my efforts to get rid of Fi. But a soy-based product doused in seriously delicious, sugary badness? Not so much. I tried to "make it up" to myself by adding flax seeds to the mashed potatoes I made to go with it. But still, this was clearly a relapse.

And it was aggravated when I got home later in the afternoon: tired and hungry. I looked in the fridge and two relics stared out at me: left-over hot dogs.

I was torn. Do I toss them, and thereby waste them? Or do I eat them and have today count as one of my two meat days for the month?

I ate them.

Treat of the Week:
Sharon's coconut sorbet with fresh strawberries and flax meal

Breakfast Frittata w/Morningstar Breakfast Sausage

As my family likes to say, "this tastes like more!"

Ingredients:
1/2 medium Yellow Onion
1 clove Garlic
1 - 2 Tb Extra Virgin Olive Oil
1 Lg Beet Green Leaf
1/2 palm of Chard leaves (I used Trader Joe's Chard of Many Colors bag)
2 Organic Eggs
Couple of gentle shakes of Sea Salt
Fresh Ground Pepper
Pinch of Herbes de Provence

2 Morningstar Breakfast Patties

1 slice of whole grain toast (I used TJ's Organic Flax Seed Bread)

Tools Used:
6" cast iron skillet; paring knife (I REALLY need to get a new one; mine is crazy dull); toaster oven; container for mixing eggs; glass cutting board (easier to clean than plastic or wood)

Instructions:
Heat the oil over medium heat. Slice the onion in half rounds. Dice the garlic. Toss the garlic and the onion in the skillet and stir periodically (NewsFlash: Apparently, onion and garlic sauteed in olive and canola oil, before adding anything else, keeps the oil from producing free radicals. Source). Meanwhile, coarsely chop the beet greens and the chard. Stir the onions and garlic, then place the greens on top of them. Turn the heat to low and cover the veggies with a lid. Meanwhile, place 2 sausage patties in the toaster oven at 400 degrees. Then gently mix two eggs with a pinch of Herbes de Provence. Uncover the veggies and stir them. Salt and pepper sparingly. Pour the egg mixture over the veggies and cover with the lid again. Take the sausage out of the toaster oven and add the bread. Lightly toast it. While the bread is toasting, flip the frittata.

Once the toast is ready, choose your favorite FRESH fruit as an accompaniment (my choice: Organic Red Bartlett Pears), and assemble your plate like so:

Bon Appetit!

Copper River Salmon Sushi

1/2 lb Copper River Salmon (I used Sockeye)
2 1/2 Tb Rice Vinegar
1 Tb Sea Salt
1 bag Trader Joe's Frozen Brown Rice
1 - 2 tsp Sesame Seeds
4 Nori sheets
A couple Asparagus stalks (mine were frozen Trader Joe's variety)
Some Baby Carrots, julienned
Couple of leaves of Purple Basil
Small container of water to wet your fingers

Overnight:
Marinate the salmon in the rice vinegar and salt.

Microwave the brown rice, per instructions. While that's going, take out the salmon and cut it in strips about 1/4" thick. When the rice is ready, mix it with the sesame seeds. Lay a Nori sheet on a bamboo sushi roller, and lightly dampen the surface with your fingers and the water. Arrange the ingredients as you like. I preferred this order: rice, salmon, carrots, asparagus, basil. Roll your roll. At this point you might flirt with the idea of slicing it up. Don't. Brown rice isn't sticky rice and will fall out everywhere. Just eat the roll.

どうぞめしあがれ!
(Japanese equivalent of Bon Appetit)

In The Beginning...

In some ways, it’s a misnomer to call this blog “The Accidental Hippie.” After all, it’s not like I woke up one morning and found myself in itchy tie-dye, cradling a hookah and a poorly groomed stranger.

In fact, I have long considered myself a Champagne Hippie, favoring good food, fine wine and comfortably elegant fashion & housewares – just as long as they're mostly organic and socially responsible (i.e. less sweatshops and factory pharming; more artisans and free-range husbandry, s’il vous plait).

But there were some things that I just could not bring myself to do, some changes that were just too hard to make.

But in the last year, and particularly in the last couple of weeks, I received a swift kick in the pants. Meet my "inner necessity":

No, this is not a cornish game hen. This is my uterus (dark pink mass on top) with a very large intramural fibroid (the lighter pink, veiny monstrosity at the bottom). Last week I drove to Spokane to have it removed, but when my surgeon got inside and saw this, he realized that in 30+ years of practice, he'd never seen anything quite like it. I'm "kind of" adamant about not losing my uterus (because I really want kids, hormonal balance, bladder control and uterine orgasms); but my doctor wasn't sure he could guarantee that. So instead, he stitched a couple of arteries feeding Fi, stitched me up and gave me a shot of Lupron. The new plan: hopefully shrink it over the next three months and try the operation again in August.

So, what does this have to do with my becoming an Accidental Hippie?

EVERYTHING

Fibroids apparently flourish when women don't get enough fiber, eat too much sugar, and have unresolved mind-body-spirit issues. So, after Fi was diagnosed in April 06, I began to sort of half-ass my way to a better lifestyle: I joined a gym and saw a trainer twice a month; ate mostly organic fruits & veggies; integrated flax meal into my diet at least 3 times a week; had weekly acupuncture appointments; joined my parish choir and really did some spiritual "work." But as I stared at the stills and the short video, the only coherent thought I could form was that I hadn't done enough.

In the spirit of Hunter Thompson ("Call on God, but row away from the rocks"), I took stock of my life and recognized three colossal OOPS:

1. When it comes to my body and my health I have way too often, and for way too long, chosen the path of least resistance: minimalism. If it's fast, easy and cheap, I will do it. If it requires a major paradigm and lifestyle shift ... I'll think about it.
2. When I was first diagnosed, I went into a cathartic, but in the end, profoundly counter-productive Do-Mode. I remodeled my kitchen and my office, only contracting out the plumbing and electrical work. But I financed all this change with a home equity loan, Home Depot credit and the credit cards I had just paid off when I refinanced. Beyond $tupid. Because, of course, these are debts, not windfalls and I have backed myself into a painful corner of high payments and insultingly high interest rates. Casey Serin, I am not. I am in the process of paying it all off, and tightening my belt in standard and creative ways.
3. I have subscribed to Green Guide to Go, Organic Gardening and Natural Home for years, and I am a long-standing Co-Op America member. But the extent to which I have really done my part to help heal the planet has been limited to that which is fast, easy and cheap, with an emphasis on easy and cheap.
   

So, I am making a change.

I suspect it will be full of fits and starts, as well as modest successes. This blog will chronicle my progress and my pitfalls as I try to live a healthier, more fiscally responsible and socially and environmentally sustainable life.