Mischief Managed

In the weeks since my first lap myomectomy attempt went sour, I have not been myself. I have been bits of myself:

• The Dreamer - entrepreneurial planning
• The Dutiful Servant - participating in a brainstorming session for the school where I taught last year, but for which I do not yet have a contract
• The Scholar - periodically working on my dissertation, thanks in LARGE part to my amazing writing group
• The Flirt - testing the waters of online and old-fashioned dating
• The Bitch - yeah...I said it, I can be very, very bitchy when given the right (wrong?) provocation
• The Geek - re-reading three Harry Potter books, waiting in line for nearly 2 hours to watch the latest HP film on IMAX, and practically flinging myself into the arms of the UPS guy when he brought The Deathly Hallows
• The Glutton - I seriously fell off the Happy Hippie Diet wagon in the last two weeks. If it was fried, meaty, sugary or processed it probably ended up in my mouth more often than my 80-20 rule allows (80% good stuff; 20% S.A.D. [Standard American Diet - thanks Dr. W])
  
• The Nervous Wreck - suffice to say that unemployment, health issues, housing issues and ... well ... issues in general, do not a happy Karen make, especially when I have Lupron (the menopause faking, mood swinging, fibroid shrinking drug-o-choice of myomectomy-performing surgeons) making my life oh...so...interesting.

I have been all of this and more, at various times and in various combinations. But I have not been anywhere close to my best self.

But I am working on it. And getting better at it. Starting with going back to the gym more than once last week (3 times, actually, including TWO cycle classes). And eating MUCH better (my digestive tract had really grown accustomed to my high-fiber, whole food diet and pretty much mutinied against my taste buds and feeble willpower). I'm also trying to sleep more (though Saturday was an exception given my reading marathon and a birthday party at which I had to make an appearance). And I've cleaned A LOT of my house (formerly known as The Sty-o-Shame). But best of all, I have rediscovered a part of my old best self, The Organizer. I have begun making, ticking off and sticking to weekly & daily To-Do lists. I must be a little Type A, because this simple system is making me more productive and happier than I have been in a VERY long time.

Like riding a bike

Transforming one's life for the better sure is hard work.

Especially when you lose your job ... and your roommate, and you have to switch to COBRA in$urance, and the in$urance company balks at paying for a procedure you need, and your car isn't getting sold, and your body wigs out because of the medication you are on & all the stress you are under, and your dream job (owning your own cafe) is both overwhelming and the only thing that has really put a smile on your face in years...

So yeah... in the last two weeks I have fallen off the hippie wagon (bye-bye pescovegetarianism, hello culinary therapy at Tamarind Tree) and damn near fell apart (Hot flashes and mood swings? In rapid, overlapping succession? Lupron...I hate you).

But thank God it's Monday. A new week and new beginning. To "celebrate" I returned to the cycle class at my gym, and unlike my effort last month, I managed to complete the whole class! I bought more beet juice and cranberry juice. I made a really tasty veggie pizza with fresh zucchini & basil from my garden, on a gluten-free crust. Small steps in the right direction; but "steps" nonetheless.

In general though, I find this whole journey to be VERY hard. It's not just a matter of changing what I eat or how I get around. It's really a whole different relationship to time.

It takes time to cook from scratch. Even with the right recipes or even raw cuisine. It takes time to coordinate travel plans via public transportation, & even more time to use it. Which is why, I suppose, I have only done so when I took the bus back from the airport and to Tacoma's July 4th Freedom Fair.

I have to admit, as a dyed-in-the-wool procrastinator, the time thing is not my forte. And as a stubborn only child who seems to grow more stubborn with each passing day, the whole "change thing" is a real pain in the ass. Kind of like Kreacher's reaction to being willed to Harry. But I digress.

The point is... I think I'm better with making changes when they come one-at-a-time, not all-at-once. And with all of the flux and uncertainty around my financial, professional, entrepreneurial, academic, and health needs and goals... well...damn it... I just feel like I'm too busy spinning and losing my bearings rather than making a coherent change for the better.

Sometimes the best recipe is the simplest

Last night was hot. I really did not feel like cooking, but I had just done a Trader Joe's run, so I really had no excuse. And then it dawned on me: my garden has gone nuts:



So... I REALLY had no excuse. I mean, I can barely keep up with my mesclun greens and the bok choy.

So, I steamed 2 small beets over rosemary water, tossed them with olive oil, fresh rosemary, sea salt and fresh ground pepper and served them with a mesclun salad.

Simple. Easy. And oh...so...good.

Walking my talk is a VERY frightening proposition

Today I met with a woman who REALLY wants to buy my car. Which is great since I need the money. I've been planning to sell my car to tread lighter on the planet and economize. But...it's my car. My readily available transportation. My "I-don't-want-to-cook-so-I'll-go-get-some-pad-thai" back up plan. I mean, as of now, I don't even have a bike (thanks thief, may karma visit you when you least expect it).

But I am reminded:

• I live a short walk away from the bus stop, and only slightly further away from a major transit center;
• It's summer in the Northwest and biking is beautiful (though hazardous given the number of people who got their licenses in a Cracker Jack box); and last but not least,
• I need the money. Getting caught up on my expenses from my remodel last summer will simply require sacrifices. Besides, with no car, I'll be even less tempted to impulse shop since there will only be so much room on the bike (when I finally buy a new one).

So, it all makes sense/cents...but I'm still nervous. It would be one thing if Flexcar had a station nearby. It would be one thing if I lived in the Bay Area or New York, where one really doesn't need a car. In places like that, it's easy to be "green" and lose the car. Complicating matters is that the woman interested in my car needs me to do an owner-financing for a year, since her family just bought a house and she's planning to open a restaurant (I swear, she's like my doppleganger or something). She would only be able to pay $2000 this month, about $2000 more when she sells her current car, and the rest would be $150/month over the course of a year, with the final payment being a lump sum for the remainder. My thing is...I don't know how long it will take me to find a job within biking or reasonable bus/train distance and I may need the money from the car sale to tide me over. But she is the only person, so far, who is seriously interested.

So, yeah...I really want to do my part to help the planet and my regional air quality. I really want to get on top of my finances instead of always feeling like I'm playing catch up. But it freaks me out that the car is at the center of both issues. I mean, the only time I was without a car since I began driving 17 years ago was when I studied abroad in France and Russia (1 year total) and my first year in the UCSD International House.

But I've got to do it. For the planet. For my pocketbook. For my waistline.