Mischief Managed

In the weeks since my first lap myomectomy attempt went sour, I have not been myself. I have been bits of myself:

• The Dreamer - entrepreneurial planning
• The Dutiful Servant - participating in a brainstorming session for the school where I taught last year, but for which I do not yet have a contract
• The Scholar - periodically working on my dissertation, thanks in LARGE part to my amazing writing group
• The Flirt - testing the waters of online and old-fashioned dating
• The Bitch - yeah...I said it, I can be very, very bitchy when given the right (wrong?) provocation
• The Geek - re-reading three Harry Potter books, waiting in line for nearly 2 hours to watch the latest HP film on IMAX, and practically flinging myself into the arms of the UPS guy when he brought The Deathly Hallows
• The Glutton - I seriously fell off the Happy Hippie Diet wagon in the last two weeks. If it was fried, meaty, sugary or processed it probably ended up in my mouth more often than my 80-20 rule allows (80% good stuff; 20% S.A.D. [Standard American Diet - thanks Dr. W])
  
• The Nervous Wreck - suffice to say that unemployment, health issues, housing issues and ... well ... issues in general, do not a happy Karen make, especially when I have Lupron (the menopause faking, mood swinging, fibroid shrinking drug-o-choice of myomectomy-performing surgeons) making my life oh...so...interesting.

I have been all of this and more, at various times and in various combinations. But I have not been anywhere close to my best self.

But I am working on it. And getting better at it. Starting with going back to the gym more than once last week (3 times, actually, including TWO cycle classes). And eating MUCH better (my digestive tract had really grown accustomed to my high-fiber, whole food diet and pretty much mutinied against my taste buds and feeble willpower). I'm also trying to sleep more (though Saturday was an exception given my reading marathon and a birthday party at which I had to make an appearance). And I've cleaned A LOT of my house (formerly known as The Sty-o-Shame). But best of all, I have rediscovered a part of my old best self, The Organizer. I have begun making, ticking off and sticking to weekly & daily To-Do lists. I must be a little Type A, because this simple system is making me more productive and happier than I have been in a VERY long time.

Falling off the wagon, but getting back in the saddle

I think I learned a valuable lesson today:

ALWAYS EAT A HEALTHY AND FILLING BREAKFAST.

Today I did not. I had a restless night and decided that it would be much more satisfying to sleep in (as in oversleep) and then do my best to jam to work as fast as the morning commute would let me. Breakfast was just one organic banana, some water and a multivitamin.

No wonder I found myself, a mere hour later, staring down a chocolate croissant in the cafeteria. I willed myself from there, walked upstairs and ended up staring at a chocolate croissant AND an apple fritter in the cafe upstairs.

I walked back to my office, slightly proud at my self-discipline, but mostly sullen. I engaged the department secretary in a long discussion about the (de)merits of chocolate croissants. I even defrosted some frozen mango and sprinkled raw sunflower and pumpkin seeds over them.

And yet, I still ended up with a bag of Harvest Cheddar SunChips.

I was good the rest of the workday. I was good until, ironically, I went to Marlene's - the health food store in Federal Way. I restocked my beet juice and cranberry juice concentrate with no sugar added. And then I promptly went to the frozen foods section and bought a Soy Cream "Ice Cream" cookie with chocolate chips. To "balance it out," I did buy one of the Perfect Foods Peanut Butter Honey Bars. But somehow, I think snarfing it down, while the Soy Cream cookie was still in my gullet, was probably NOT the best way to reap its benefits.

At any rate, I felt a little guilty. And a tad nauseous.

So, I returned to the gym after a 1 month garden-and-surgery hiatus.

In January, I began taking a cycle class and eventually worked up to four or five, one-hour classes a week. It was awesome! I felt great. My butt was coming into the same time-zone as the rest of my body. And I felt my stamina was steadily improving.

That was then.

Today, I barely lasted a half-hour in class before my left side sharply announced that it was not yet healed. Had I stayed the whole class, I would've crawled out. As it was... I limped.

Thank God for saunas!

Needless to say, tomorrow I will try to better control my sugar-carb cravings. I will also start taking a Goji-Acai juice with my smoothie, which I will definitely roll out of bed early enough to make.